What If I Make the Wrong Decision for My Child?
- 17 hours ago
- 3 min read
Dear Rebecca,
I struggle making big decisions for my children, such as whether we should homeschool next year. I don't trust myself to make the right decisions for them or even to know how to make wise decisions. Can you help me figure out how to make decisions and feel confident about them?
Dear Mom,
You are not alone. From the first moment our newborn is placed in our arms, we feel the weight of responsibility to raise this child well and choose wisely for them. It is a daunting task. Yet it is also the mission for which we were uniquely chosen by the Creator who formed our children and placed them in our care. He trusts us to choose wisely, and He gives us the tools to do so. Our job is to learn how to use those tools and trust ourselves.
This week's Torah portion, Shelach, contains the infamous story of the Spies. Moshe sent twelve men to scout the Land of Israel. Ten returned fearful and discouraged. Two returned with confidence and faith. What gave Kalev and Yehoshua the courage to resist groupthink and choose differently?
For the sake of your question, let's focus on Yehoshua.
Yehoshua was Moshe's foremost student. More than anyone else, he absorbed his teacher's values, including Moshe's defining trait of humility. God Himself testified that "Moshe was very humble, more so than any other human being on earth" (Numbers 12:3).
Yehoshua embodied that same humility. Yet humility carries a potential pitfall: a person can become so focused on others' perspectives that they begin to discount their own.
Moshe recognized this challenge in his beloved student. As the spies prepared to depart, "Moshe called Hoshea son of Nun, Yehoshua" (Numbers 13:16). Hoshea means "save," while Yehoshua combines God's name with that word, meaning "God will save." The name change reflected Moshe's prayer: "May God save you from the counsel of the other spies."
Moshe understood that Yehoshua would need Heavenly assistance to remain grounded in his own judgment despite the overwhelming pressure of the group's opinion. His prayer was answered, and Yehoshua remained strong.
Many parents face a similar challenge. We doubt ourselves. We wonder whether we really know what's best for our children. Even after making a decision, we second-guess ourselves and question whether we chose correctly.
Like Yehoshua, our answer lies in combining humility with faith. We do not always know what is right for our children, but we do know that we have a Divine Partner in our parenting who walks beside us.
What steps can parents take to make decisions with confidence?
First, clarify your goals. Before figuring out the "how," make sure you understand the "why." Don't rush into a decision until you've identified what you're truly trying to accomplish.
Second, be honest about who you are and the reality of your current season of life. There is little value in making a decision that depends on having a different personality, energy level, sleep schedule, or budget than you actually have. If you have a sleepless baby or are at the beginning of a pregnancy, those realities matter. They are God-given circumstances no less than the decision itself.
Third, make sure fear is not driving the decision. Fear is a powerful motivator, as we see in the story of the Spies, but it rarely leads us to our best choices. Acknowledge your fears, but don't hand them the steering wheel.
Fourth, consult someone you respect. Another perspective can be helpful, but often the greatest benefit comes from articulating your thoughts aloud. Hearing ourselves explain a dilemma frequently brings clarity.
Fifth, pray and then create space to listen. God is an active partner in your parenting. Ask Him to guide you clearly. Then stop ruminating. Stop revisiting the decision for a few days. When our minds are crowded with noise, it is difficult to hear His direction.
Finally, remember that very few decisions are permanent. Many choices feel enormously important in the moment, but God is big enough to open doors you cannot yet see. Trust Him enough to make the best decision you can today, knowing that if circumstances change, you can make a different decision tomorrow. You are not committing to a single choice forever. You are committing to continually seek wisdom as your child and family grow.
The goal is not to make perfect decisions. The goal is to make thoughtful decisions with sincerity, wisdom, and faith. God does not ask us to see the future. He asks us to take the next right step. When we do, we can trust that He will illuminate the steps that follow.
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