Not Just Mothers, Fathers Count Too

In the weeks between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, the gap between these celebrations can feel surprisingly wide. In the United States, Mother’s Day cards outsell Father’s Day cards by a significant margin. Brunches in honor of Mom are far more common than barbecues for Dad. Many people proudly wear “Mom” tattoos, but far fewer have “Dad” inked on their skin. Culturally, we understand the importance of mothers. But when it comes to fathers, the message is often more muddled. Their role, while vital, isn’t always as clearly acknowledged.

This week’s Torah portion, Parshas Bamidbar (Numbers 1:1–4:20), opens the Book of Numbers with a census of the adult men eligible for military service. One phrase jumps off the page again and again: “the houses of their fathers.” In fact, the Torah uses this expression twenty times in this portion alone. God instructs Moses, “Take the sum of all the congregation of the children of Israel, by their families, by the houses of their fathers…”

Why the emphasis? Why not simply count families or individuals? Why the repeated stress on father-led households? The Torah is teaching us something deep and essential about raising the next generation. Children need mothers—this is universally understood. But if we want to raise people who are capable, responsible, and contributing members of society, they need fathers too. Boys and girls alike benefit from strong, healthy relationships with their fathers.

Of course, not every child grows up in a traditional father-led household. For many reasons, this simply isn’t always possible. There are countless heroic single mothers doing incredible work raising thriving children. But even in these families, the presence of a father figure matters. Uncles, grandfathers, coaches, teachers, mentors, and community leaders can all step in to provide the guidance, structure, and connection children need. One of the greatest gifts a single mother can give her children is helping to create and sustain those relationships. (I explore this in more detail in the video Thriving with Teenagers as all adolescents benefit from parent-fostered connections.)

And in families with a husband and wife at the helm, it’s essential that mothers foster the relationship between their children and their father. While the bond between mother and child often forms naturally, a father’s connection with his children requires nurturing. A wise mother doesn’t diminish the father’s role—she elevates it. She values the masculine strengths her husband brings to parenting, both physical and psychological, and she actively supports the relationship between him and their children.

In fact, when kids joyfully celebrate Father’s Day, it often reflects not only a devoted dad, but also a mother who made space for that bond to grow.

Building a strong parenting partnership isn’t automatic, and it doesn’t always come easily. That’s why my husband and I created Parenting As Partners, a self-paced online course where we share how we learned to support each other, cultivate our children’s relationships with both parents, and most importantly, define our family’s values together so we could parent as a united team.

In honor of all devoted fathers and Father’s Day, I’m offering 20% off Parenting As Partners with the code FATHER through June 16. Don’t miss this opportunity to strengthen your marriage, your parenting, and your family—together.

Click Here to Register for the Self-Paced Online Course for Married Couples