Parenting in Partnership: You Lift, God Raises

Social media is flooded with posts suggesting, and sometimes outright stating, that if a mom parents the "right" way, her child will grow up to be loving, respectful, kind, and empathetic. The implicit (and often explicit) warning is that if she parents the "wrong" way, her child will be aggressive, emotionally scarred, or traumatized.

That message is absolute nonsense.

The people pushing these ideas mistakenly assume that parenting follows a simple cause-and-effect formula. They treat it like a recipe—add three cups of love, two cups of empathy, and never let your child cry more than a teaspoon of frustrated tears, and voilà! A perfectly baked, well-adjusted child. But real life, with real human beings, is far more complex. Wonderful parents can have incredibly difficult children, and mediocre parents can raise amazing kids because children are not simply biological products of their parents’ inputs.

Like all human beings, children are more than the sum of their experiences. Each one comes into the world with unique traits, temperaments, strengths, and challenges that shape their personalities and influence how they respond to life. None of this diminishes the significance of parenting—far from it. Parents have an extraordinary responsibility to guide, nurture, and teach their children wisely. But where modern parenting influencers go wrong is in failing to separate effort from outcome. A parent’s job is to show up and do the work, but that work cannot be judged solely by how their children turn out. As Rabbi Tarfon said in Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers), “It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you at liberty to neglect it.” Parenting demands immense effort and wisdom, but a child's final path is not a direct reflection of their parent's abilities.

This truth is beautifully illustrated in this week’s Torah portion, Parshas Pekudei (Exodus 38:21–40:38), which details the completion and assembly of the Mishkan (Tabernacle). Throughout the parsha, the construction is described in active terms—“he made,” “he placed,” and so on—until the very end. Then, the Torah shifts: “It was in the first month of the second year, on the first of the month, that the Tabernacle was erected.” Instead of saying, “he erected it,” the Torah uses a passive phrase; “was erected.”

Rashi (Rabbi Shlomo Yitzchaki, 1040–1105) shares ancient Jewish wisdom explaining this passive voice. After the Jewish people completed the Tabernacle's individual components, it was time to put everything together. God wanted to grant Moshe (Moses) the honor of assembling it, but the planks and materials were so massive that Moshe knew it was physically impossible. He turned to God and asked, “How can a human being lift this?” God replied, “You do your part. Make the effort to assemble it and it will rise on its own.” And so, the Torah records that the Mishkan “was erected,” because it was ultimately put together not by human hands, but with Divine assistance.

The same is true of parenting. We pour our hearts and souls into raising our children, investing immense effort in guiding them the best we can. To the world, it may look as if we are single-handedly shaping them into who they will become. But just as Moses appeared to be lifting the beams while, in truth, they were rising with God's help, so too, parents appear to be the ones “building” their children, when in reality, the final outcome is beyond our control.

Moshe couldn’t stand back and watch the Mishkan magically assemble itself—he had to push, pull, and strain with all his might, even knowing the task was beyond him. Parenting is the same. We work tirelessly, giving it everything we have, and yet, the final results rest in God's hands. Our role is to put in the effort, to love, guide, and teach. And then, with faith and prayer, we entrust our children’s futures to Him.

In Parenting As Partners, my husband and I open up about our personal experiences—the challenges, the lessons, and the faith that guides us. One of the most vulnerable yet powerful insights we share is how we approach parenting as a team, not just with each other, but with God.

When we face parenting challenges, we turn to Him, knowing that while we are responsible for guiding our children, He holds their future in His infinite wisdom and love. We are not the sole architects of their lives. Our role is to lift, love, and lead, while trusting Him to raise them beyond our abilities.

Watch the clip below to see how we put this into practice. And if you’re ready to strengthen your own parenting partnership, Parenting As Partners will show you how to work together with your spouse as a team, grounded in faith and mutual support.

Enroll today and start building a parenting approach that brings you closer—to your spouse, your children, and to God.