Boundaries, Forgiveness, and the Miracle of a Fresh Start

Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, is completely illogical. Every action creates a reaction, every decision has an effect, and every deed carries consequences. A builder who makes an error can’t simply repent and return the next morning to find the mistake erased. A poor financial choice cannot be undone, no matter how remorseful one feels.

And yet, on Yom Kippur, a person burdened with sin can repent and emerge completely cleansed. It is inexplicable—repentance and atonement defy the physical laws of our universe. Jewish tradition teaches that Teshuva (repentance) was created before the world itself, because this process could not have arisen within the natural order. Yom Kippur gives us the otherworldly gift of a clean slate each year, free from the stains of our past.

In a smaller, but still remarkable way, parents offer their children a similar gift every day. Children, like all of us, inevitably make mistakes. Some are small, but others are painful. At times, children and adolescents can cause real hurt to their parents. After an outburst or destructive episode, a child may feel ashamed, appalled at themselves, even unworthy of love. Their redemption comes from parents who swallow their own hurt, calm their anger, and extend instead a reassuring smile or a gentle expression of love. In that moment, parents give their child the gift of Yom Kippur.

Each time a parent offers a child that fresh start, they are emulating God in a profoundly spiritual way.

This does not mean parents should ignore misbehavior. Children need firm boundaries and consistent consequences; they rely on parents to provide structure. But alongside discipline, the grace of forgiveness is equally vital. When a parent restores warmth to their voice or a loving twinkle to their eye, they are teaching their child that mistakes do not define them. They are saying: I still believe in you. You are still mine.

Of course, it isn’t easy. It isn’t easy to smile at a four-year-old after she’s woken the baby for the third time. It isn’t easy to greet a teenager warmly after being ignored for three days. It isn’t easy to sit down and play with a child who just had a meltdown. Yet parents dig deep into reservoirs of grace and love to give their children the chance to move past the struggle and begin again.

Each time a parent offers a child that fresh start, they are emulating God in a profoundly spiritual way. Parents partner with the Creator by bringing children into this world. They emulate Him by feeding, clothing, and tending to them. But perhaps most powerfully, parents embody His kindness when they extend the miraculous gift of Yom Kippur to their children—helping them rise beyond their mistakes with love, warmth, optimism, and unwavering faith in their ability to grow.

This article is adapted from my previously published piece, The Yom Kippur Gift Parents Offer Children, posted here on October 9, 2024.