When Dependence Becomes Our Superpower

As a tired teenager, I remember wondering how I would possibly handle sleepless nights with infants once I became a mother. The idea that I could function even semi-decently on months of interrupted sleep seemed impossible.

Years later, after two decades of mothering, I still sometimes face parenting challenges that leave me questioning whether I’m really capable. There are moments I wonder how on earth I’m supposed to pull off what feels impossible.

But there’s an answer hidden in this week’s Torah portion, Parshas B’haaloscha (Numbers 8:1–12:16).

In the wilderness, the Jewish people confront Moshe (Moses) and demand meat. What follows is a conversation between God and Moshe that holds a powerful truth about parenting.

"Why have You afflicted Your servant, and why have I not found favor in Your eyes, that You place the burden of this entire people upon me? Did I conceive this people? Did I give birth to them, that You say to me, 'Carry them in your bosom, as a nurse carries a suckling child, to the land You promised their ancestors?'"

Moshe’s plea is heartfelt. He’s saying, essentially, I’m not their parent. How can I possibly carry the weight of caring for all of them on my own? But underneath his words is a surprising insight. If he had given birth to them, he seems to imply, maybe he could find a way to feed millions in the desert.

How is that even possible?

The Seforno, a Torah commentator who lived in Italy during the 15th century, explains something profound. A parent’s strength comes not from their own ability, but from their child’s complete trust in them. That deep reliance from a child is what actually gives a parent the power to rise to the task.

Moses was saying: if the Jewish people trusted me the way a baby trusts its mother or father, I’d be able to provide for them. It’s that trust, that total dependence, that empowers parents to do the seemingly impossible.

Think about it. A mother drags herself out of bed for the third time in one night because her baby needs her. A father keeps working long hours because he knows his family is counting on him. Without someone depending on them, no parent would have the strength, patience, or drive to push through exhaustion and challenge.

And here’s the part that really hits home. When a mother tells her child that a kiss will make the bruise feel better, she isn’t just being sweet. She’s telling the truth. Her kiss does have the power to ease her child's pain. When a father says not to worry because he’s here to protect his child, that is real. The act of being relied on is precisely what brings out a parent’s deepest strength. Without our children depending on us, we wouldn't have the courage, determination, or strength to act as powerfully as we do. With their trust, we achieve far more than we ever could have dreamed possible.

Parshas B’haaloscha teaches us that the more our children depend on us, the more we are actually able to show up for them. Their trust is not a burden. It’s a source of power. Sometimes, parents feel uneasy when their child leans on them too much. It can feel easier when someone else steps in—when a teacher helps, or a friend comforts. But the uncomfortable truth is this: the more our children depend on us, the more we are capable of giving them.

Instead of being overwhelmed by our children’s dependence, we can choose to see it as a gift. When our children believe we are the answer to their problems, we are given the ability to actually be that answer.

Ready to make this real in your home? In Parenting for Children to Listen, I show you how to turn your child's dependence into deep connection, mutual trust, and more cooperative behavior -- without power struggles.

Parenting for Children to Listen

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