Preparing Children for Better Choices
- Aug 5
- 2 min read
Dear Rebecca,
I keep getting calls from my six-year-old child’s camp counselor about misbehavior in camp. I’m not there during the day and can’t intervene. What am I supposed to do?
Dear Mom on Call,
Ouch. Phone calls complaining about our child’s behavior hurt. You are wisely not reacting emotionally or personally. Instead, you’re simply asking what you can do to help the situation. Good for you!
You are correct that since you aren’t there during the day, there isn’t much you can do in the moment. However, you are the most important and influential person in your child’s life, and you are capable of improving the situation.
How?
This week’s Torah portion, Re’eh (Deuteronomy 11:26-16:17), opens with Moshe (Moses) stating, “Behold, I set before you this day a blessing and a curse.” Instead of simply telling the Jewish people to behave properly, Moshe asks them to visualize, or behold in their mind’s eye, the potential results of their choices.
Visualization is a powerful tool and is especially effective with young children’s fertile minds and imaginations. Find a quiet time when you can connect with your child in a loving way. Perhaps play a game together, read him a story, or go for a walk. Once he’s feeling emotionally safe and connected to you, quietly, gently, and without judgment, suggest that the two of you brainstorm different ways he could respond to challenging situations in camp. Hopefully, you know, or can use your parental detective skills to figure out what triggered the incident. Was it an activity he didn’t enjoy, a fellow camper who irritated him, or was he simply hungry or tired? Whatever the trigger, that is what you want to brainstorm together.
Once you’ve come up with alternative ways he could handle mounting frustration, help make those responses real by acting them out together. You can role-play the situation yourselves or use action figures or stuffed animals. You could even tell him a story about two boys or, if that feels too close to home, make them squirrels or bunnies who became frustrated and learned to respond wisely. Your goal is to help him visualize and practice a healthy response so vividly that, over time, he can draw on those tools in challenging moments.
One more powerful tool: before he leaves for camp each morning, briefly practice again or retell the squirrel story to keep these responses fresh in his mind. Then ask if he thinks he can try using one of those responses that day. When he agrees to try, you can praise his good intentions, whether or not he actually succeeds later. That leaves him feeling empowered and capable of making good choices.
Like Moshe's invitation to "behold," you are helping your child see a better path before he has to walk it, giving him confidence that wise choices are within his reach.
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